Embrace the Mindful living
By Ces Mossel, Kathmandu, May 2014
A story about a woman in ‘her’ Holy Mountains.
Ces was born and raised in Amsterdam, the Netherlands and a traveler by heart from the beginning of her life. She started a full-time traveling lifestyle at 26. Ending the physically and emotionally numbing work as a lighting technician in the film world, she traveled and worked the next 5 years in Thailand, Egypt and Australia as a scuba instructor. Along the way yoga showed up and brought her to India where she enrolled in her first of a few yoga teacher-trainings. As much as she loves the practice of yoga and it feels like it’s a deep part of her life, quickly after leaving India, she fell head-over-heals in love with the healing art of Thai Massage. A path much broader then simply putting hands on people, Thai Massage has shown her a deep yearning to a cleaner, clearer and honest living. For the past 6 or so years she has been practicing and studying this magical form of bodywork and have started sharing the art of this touch in a teaching environment which is bringing many pieces of her life together.
“Being present, clear and kind. With others and ourselves”. More information about Ces here.
We all talk so much. I know I do. I can get really bored of my own voice. And for a long while now I have been feeling an almost desperate urge to shut up, walk into the mountains and face my inner bullshit. By listening – instead of talking, evading, acting out: listening to Nature, inside and out. So much of our precious listening time goes into talking, attempting to find connection to others, feeding our insecurities by talking our way into affirmations, very often just filling Space with sound. The underlaying message very often being quite different then the sound that comes out of our mouths.
How often do you listen (or think you listen) to others and have this belly feeling there is something different going on then that which is said? How often do you hear yourself talk and realize you’re saying things you don’t fully support deeply within? How often do you stop yourself or another to verify or clarify? For me (even though I do it, but surely not often enough) to do this, is the scariest thing ever. Because what happens if we do clarify or verify what is going on inside and outside.
How often do you really deeply listen to yourself? What is it that I want, need, and believe in. What makes me feel good? What is it I want do with this life? This one life we are aware of, that has been given to us. Maybe there are more lives to come. Maybe there have been more behind us. We don’t really know. We can hope, we can trust, we can discard it all as etheric nonsense, but at the end of the day this is what we’ve got and this is the Life we can do something with. And maybe it’s really intended for us to do this our own special way…
What happens if we truly walk our way. Shut up and truly and honestly listen deeply within to what it is and how to walk our own funny way. Not like the others, but the way it feels good for us? What if we keep it real?
Which is not necessarily how society makes us believe we should fill our days. We should work, do as we’re told, stay quiet in the group-mentality, not think we’re special, just get on with stuff, sit on our precious money and then die.
I am more aware then ever that I am blessed to even think about my own special way, for many of us the option of leading our life exactly the way we deeply feel we should is not an option at all. For most of us earthlings our main focus is where to get our food and shelter. For many of us, there are children, households, family and friends and much more to keep us in check. I am in deep awe of the strong warriors amongst us who keep it real and walk their own way anyway: eliminating the inner and outer conditioning society has imprinted on us, whilst fulfilling their duties in society. I take off all my hats for these people.
But my time has come now, to shut up, walk the mountains and listen deeply. I have to trust that I have enough courage to do what I have been screaming about wanting and needing so desperately. As I write this I am sitting in a room in Kathmandu only hours away from starting a 20 day trek into the Himalayas with 11 more thai massage therapists and our female teacher; on a mission to bring service (Seva) to the local people on our way. A mission thought up 4 weeks ago while most of us where still roaming around Thailand.
When my dear friend told me he was setting up this pilgrimage with and for our teacher I didn’t stop to listen deeply. I booked a flight and cancelled everything else I was supposed to do in this time. I knew the listening would come. And it`s been scaring me and still does, scare me witless: what will happen when I really find my own special way…
And inside my mind I hear: I am not worthy, why me? What have I done to deserve this? When such an insane amount of people will never get this chance… Then the other voice comes back, ‘the Warrior’: ‘Because I’m ready. Ready to face the conditioning I carry with me, in me. Because it´s about time to make and keep it real.’
And maybe, just maybe, all these voices, opinions, of mine and others, the conditionings we see and not see but talk about, maybe they are just stories, illusions and noise. Maybe all we’ll do is walk, massage and have a jolly good time. God only knows…and laughs.
I wish you time in the holy mountains, whatever or wherever your holy mountains are. I wish you time, courage and integrity to listen deeply and fly. Because you are special and worth it, like all of us. thank you for listening.
May the eagles fly with you, the earth hold you and your inner fire move you, deeper into your heart.
I might catch you on the flipside.